I love to write. Or, more clearly, I used to love to write so much as a teenager, until the time came when my mother read my diary then used my words against me after she'd already told me I couldn't make a living being good at writing. (Wow, was she ever wrong on that one.)
Unfortunately, it fucking stuck. Then became amplified over time. And has plagued me officially for DECADES until only recently being required by my new branding coach to write out my life story.
Holy fuck, was that excruciating. Took me three months to get through it. All the shit my mind wanted to use to cause me to procrastinate and experience meltdowns was painful AF. Shedding so much light on all the dimming I had been doing to the light within me.
Even still, as I'm writing this, I have been experiencing so much shadow shit, especially connected with my twin flame. SO MUCH coming up to be shifted and healed that I've held on to for so long...especially about men and this whole "being a mistake" thing that's followed me for decades.
I know it is a victim perspective when my mind says such things as:
"My life was perfectly on course before him."
"I didn't need to meet him or go to India or love him."
It has been challenging AF to transform into the me I have discovered lurking beneath the surface, only making appearance in rare fleeting moments. The me you see now being expressed through all my online platforms.
As the world started suffocating more and more, it triggered anxiety in my to a level I had not experienced for a couple years... I did, after all, fly around the MF world by myself to meet my twin flame in Goa, India less than four months of knowing him in this present lifetime. I actually started to have a panic attack in the dentist's chair end of January 2021. Do you know how long since I have had one of those?? YEARS. I honestly do not remember when I did last, only my more severe ones from at least 7 years ago.
I had to implement a few empowerment practices, but I got myself centered. I doused my nose in my favorite cedarwood oil (doTERRA's Cedarwood) and I had my soothing vortex malachite that I was rubbing thumb over. The spot where I rub literally looks like it has a portal. Pretty cool, eh? My other and first ever malachite has a natural occurring heart pattern in it. Malachite is my absolute favorite stone.
How did I get to where I was having high enough anxiety that I could have a panic attack after all these years? It's an answer the our, certainly MY, minds prefer not to hear.... slacking on my self love, shadow work and all the things that got me out of my first dark night of the soul abyss, even more so the second round.
This twin flame ascension got me fucked up though. Okay, I'm joking and sort of not. It's been one hell of a MF ride.
And really it's been so much harder than it needed to be, believe me. I'm telling you, Goddess, life is SO MUCH smoother when we are really loving ourselves. But when we are caught up in the destructive self sabotaging thoughts and patterns toward ourselves and our experience, we are creating our own miserable chaos.
I see this more clearly than ever. Wow.
And that's one thing about me... I do work hard to be owning my shit so I can shift my shit. I share it with you, well, mostly on my YouTube videos @empowermentexperiences and my Instagram posts both @healingtwinflames and @empowermentexperiences. I've been pretty fucking absent on my own blog. Remember that writing thing above? Yeah, that's partly why. Along with that dimming light thing and mistake nonsense. All those things I've been working through so I can finally get back to being me.
That's what this self love empowerment journey is. And a twin flame journey is so much a self love empowerment journey on steroids. At least it can fucking feel like it.
I am pushing through the shit in my mind that says, "Nobody cares, Rachelle. Nobody cares to hear about you or read your stuff."
My mind has been taught to be very mean to me. And this is why when I tell you that if I can change my fucking life by reclaiming my power on my own self love empowerment journey, YOU CAN, TOO! And if you want to argue that, well, that right there is YOU literally acting to give away your power thus leaving you feeling like shit and powerless.
After spending these recent months intensely revisiting the contrast that once was the near sum total of every day of every year for years, I am far more fucking aware of the actual danger we put ourselves in when we do not and are not actively loving ourselves and intentionally creating our lives....especially as twin flames.
Oh, how we literally block ourselves from receiving our twin....in the way we block ourselves from receiving love from wherever the Universe sends it, even avenues of health, wealth and outright happiness.
And another twin flame thing for me has been the doubt my mind creates. Even in spite of a truly infinite number of signs, synchronicities and undeniable confirmations, my mind of sabotaging beliefs attacks like a rabid dog backed into a corner. If I were implementing my self love empowerment practices daily as I once was so many months ago, it wouldn't get so unbearable. Wouldn't be having such severely constipated chakras, lol.
I would also be creating more of what I wanted... like when he and I met in Goa, India.
I AM grateful that he IS in my life and we are slowly moving forward shifting through things that once got us stuck in separation energy.
That's just it though.... it's been intense AF working through all this WITH him in my life. And far too much have I let weigh me down to the point that I am actually asking the Universe to make him go away from my life. No wonder he is not giving his love... he can't, I'm not energetically letting me because I'm not letting myself receive the things that feel good. I was not doing the work necessary to be aligning with the reality I desire to be experiencing.
Well, fuck that. It's time to get back to a feel good, super fucking empowered space. I'm literally sick and tired of being in this MF contrast. Fuck this shit, it's time to fucking shift.
So here I go. Bit by bit, practically starting over with a redesigned brand, my adjusted and more clarified path, program and offers, even a newly created Self Love Empowerment Challenge TWIN FLAME EDITION I'm in the middle of finalizing.
And this one is created for anyone to sign up and begin reclaiming their power at anytime. I'm implementing all the daily activities as I'm recreating the challenge automation. I most certainly want to make sure you truly feel more and more empowered with each passing day even though I already know you will.
I keep getting nudged with the need to say that you must allow yourself. I am already knowing very very well the ways we can block ourselves from allowing ourselves to feel better. It's absolutely incredible to see the suffering we put our own selves through. I'm telling you, though, it really is a choice to give our attention to these not so good feeling thoughts and that we really can choose more and more to focus on the good.
This seven day challenge most definitely helps with that. Like I've said before, if I can go through all I've gone through in my life (bio coming soon!) and be changing my life with these practices, so can you!!
Challenge sign up page coming soon! I'm working through all my blocks to make sure because I know you're going to gain so much from it!! We can reclaim our power together along this twin flame self love empowerment journey.
I assure you, my fellow Twin Flame Goddess, this IS the journey to union with your twin as it is the most important journey home to union within.