Updated: Mar 28
Hello, gorgeous Goddess…
My name is Rachelle Renea Richard.
I am a writer, poet, lover of teas, trees, grass, creeks, gentle breezes caressing my skin.
I am a lightworker, intuitive healer, soul guide, Goddess mentor, self love empowerment coach.
I am a starseed, volunteer soul, twin flame traveler, so much more than what can be named.
I am a divine feminine rising into her power along her own self love empowerment journey while guiding other newly awakening Goddesses through the same.
I am a former PROSTITUTE.
Yes, you read that right.
And I have been raped, abused, berated, assaulted, stalked, gaslighted and manipulated....all of which I experienced before I went into "the business". Pimped out, drug addicted and arrested were added to the roster, along with plenty more of the same as before deciding the path that would take me into the dark underbelly of the matrix.
I had, after all, developed deep beliefs that included: ~ men only want one thing from me (this later expanded into three things....from just my body to my body, my skills and/or my resources) ~ men don’t have feelings (in spite of being a daddy’s girl growing up) ~ I deserved horrible things to happen to me because I was a mistake, an accidental cosmic joke taking up oxygen and space that was needed for everybody else ~ I obviously wasn’t good enough to be loved just by being me
I had no idea back then that ALL of this was MY shit. This life, past lives, ancestral wounding, karmic debt.
I also had no idea that It was also 100% in my power to change it.
Like you, I just had to wake up to that realization, see my truth and reveal my own power within myself.
First though, I had to learn what true self loathing and self sabotage looked like. What damage generational curses, core wounds and destructive mental programming FEELS like and what it takes to CHOOSE to rise up from the ashes like a MF Phoenix ~ ~ or rather, for me like a pegasus birthed from the severed head of she whom had been punished for “being violated” and found no longer pure.
I had to know firsthand the journey of healing and awakening to remember who and what I am and the power I truly possess. I had to know with such depth and clarity so I could fulfill my earth mission, my soul purpose for coming back and enduring the sort of excruciating pain and suffering as so much of humanity has been made to experience as well. For some souls so much worse.
I had to know how to reclaim my power and learn how to love myself so I could illuminate the path for others to follow.
I say so often from Abraham Hicks, “Words don’t teach. Only life experience gives understanding.”
From a toxic mother to school bullies, an abusive boyfriend to a drug dealing pimp, depression, self harm and bipolar misdiagnosis to arresting officers, community service and just wanting to be free of the perceived bondage of this world yet actually believing I would even screw up my own suicide and end up fully dependent, thereby fulfilling my fear of being a burden, I have had a journey that my own mind has minimalized to such depth and degree, that it was only in my late 30s that I finally started to heal and reveal my truth of me.
By age 12, both a volatile and defining time, my psychic gifts were beginning to surface. Yet because a Catholic upbringing taught of a wrathful God and such gifts considered curses, I suppressed them out of fear, further fueling the great divide within myself.
This was also the time the tension had been building with my mother as I was believing more and more that I was unwanted, unworthy and that the world would be better off without me in it.
Standing in the kitchen of the old farmhouse we were living in, I was holding a steak knife to my wrist, crying out to my mother in the middle of a highly charged argument, “I’LL DO IT! DON’T MAKE ME!”
Her reply? Five painfully devastating words for an already deeply insecure, bullied, clearly suicidal pre-pubescent teen…. “Do it. I don’t care.”
You could certainly say that she and I have never really had much of a connection. And any attempt at one has just kept us in a vicious cycle of destructive patterns. Patterns I have most certainly been working to eliminate from my own way of being so they cease sabotaging the relationships I DO want for myself.
She even teased me about being flat chested as I was entering puberty at the same time I was being bullied by kids at school. I remember that day as much as the others…..
We were standing in the grade school gymnasium. She turns and asks if I’m wearing a bra. I, of course, answer negatory to which she replies, “Well, you’ve got to do SOMETHING with those fried eggs.”
This was the SAME year I had the steak knife to my wrist…. I remind you, I was 12 years old.
I must interject….it was only recently during a meditation that it was revealed to me that my twin flame was who I would speak to nearly every night staring into the darkness out my bedroom as I’d cry myself to sleep wanting so bad to leave this world. I could hear him say, “Hang in there, baby. I’ll be there before you know it. You ARE strong enough. Keep holding on.”
I never knew who it was back then as I didn’t even know about twin flames let alone believe in them until the past few years. Between him coming to me and my pegasus whisking me away in my most quiet moments, I know I would not be here today were it not for them and other guardian angels along my journey.
The day my mother told me point blank that I was a mistake, the reason she had to marry my dad and why she was so unhappy happened when I was barely 15. I so vividly remember that day still…. where exactly along that curvy stretch of highway on the way to Manhattan, Kansas.
As if that wasn’t enough, she read my diary and then used my own words against me shortly after telling me she wouldn’t support my writing aspirations because I could never make a living at it. I had been accepted into a writing school just a year earlier which I was not allowed to pursue.
An even deeper divide within myself as that which I wasn’t allowed more and more became the gauge with which I would measure the depth of my life.
Little did I know growing up how profoundly detrimental my mother’s toxic words would come to be for me.
Even 20 years later, at age 35, she told me I was embarrassing her by bopping along to the Christmas music as I sniffed the "smellies" in Victoria's Secret during a yearly visit back for the holidays.
That was the last time I let her belittle me.....
It was also the same trip wherein her hypocrisy became both undeniable and unbearable wherein she was spewing filth toward black people by using the “N word” at the same time having her “Jesus” music on the radio. I begged her to pull the truck over and let me walk the 20 miles home across the Kansas countryside. I was so sickened being in her presence.
In my life, I had learned to loathe myself and at the same time despise her.
What a conundrum, eh?
No wonder I could so easily hate the woman that was me as I entered adulthood and believe that no one could ever want to be part of my life or love me for me.
I had come to view myself as the mistake she made certain I knew I was. I came to believe it to such a degree that by the time I graduated high school, I truly believed not just that I was a mistake, but that I was, in fact, a cosmic joke. I had come to believe that I was just some fluke that was somehow allowed to survive yet wasn’t worthy of the air I was breathing as it was meant for those who were supposed to be here and I was contributing their lack by taking what wasn’t mine to have.
This grossly destructive view of myself set my point of attraction for some horrendous experiences. Lessons I know now, of course, I have chosen to learn in order to expand my soul and step fully into my power and my purpose.
By the time I graduated high school, I possessed the belief that I was not just a mistake but a cosmic joke as the Universe sought to make an example of me. That through religion learning that God was the ultimate parent and was punishing me for merely being born.
I continued to spiral down into the recesses of not just being unworthy but that what I DID deserve was all the horrible things that had and continued to happen…..
My freshman year of college, I was raped and gang raped. My second year, I was raped again. Looking for love in all the wrong places, I soon discovered myself in a narcissistic abusive relationship with he who I still refer to as my psycho ex.