Original content written October 7, 2021
Wow, that part one took all MF day!! I have been in a weird space with my writing. Mostly just writing poetry and social media posts. It sure AF feels good to have been fully nudged to write this out as it is indeed quite therapeutic, especially as my traumas and empathic influence want to now start to think about unblocking him because of just in case or, heaven forbid, HE feels abandoned and ignored. The tables being turned.
This is fuel for the separation phase that is to teach us the illusion of it and the truth that we are infinitely and eternally connected.
You see, the absolute last MF person to treat you like shit besides of course YOU, is your twin flame counterpart.
THEY. ARE. OUR. MIRRORS.
They are of the exact same lesson blueprint as we each are.
As I mentioned about manifesting with the complete cycle of the moon that mind blowingly amazing AF video call from him just a month later, every time I DO intentionally manifest a desired experience with him, IT FUCKING HAPPENS.
Yet, instead, my MF sabotage has wanted to keep me stuck in my own comfort zone of NOT living my dreams, NOT letting myself ALIGN for union with my twin... so OF COURSE such a thing has not even appeared or hardly felt close... because the ENERGETIC state within myself is NOT that of JOYOUS inner union. I may feel more empowered than ever with all the excruciating healing and growth lately, I definitely....
Holy fuck, has this karmic done that at the most excruciating depth.
This is the PURPOSE for separation...
To HEAL OUR SHIT.
To LEARN to SURRENDER.
To CULTIVATE LOVE WITHIN.
To LEARN to .
I know for certain the most pronounced lesson she has brought us ~
RELEASING ATTACHMENT by way of seeing HIS obsession with HER, declaring SHE taught him true love yet the extent of their "relationship" was nowhere near as serious as someone flying around the world, starting businesses, opening bank accounts, making solid plans for Bangkok and tenative plans for Singapore (as I mentioned we had done when we were in our hotel room in Goa)
Added content November 13, 2021
Little did I know when I wrote that part one that the lessons were only just beginning for the two of us. It is never coincidence for anything including how I've had a Soul Sister in my ear about how you can either take the easy way and it's be hard or take the hard way and it'll be easy.
My DM is taking what he thinks is the easy way because he sees no way out. He has succumbed to the pressures of forced arranged marriage officially as I type this. I was led to the discovery of the unfolding yesterday morning and have been processing some excruciating shit to say the very least.
All because I couldn't get to India and he couldn't get here.
How devastating to know that you made a choice because you thought you had no other choice... and it took me fucking forever to type that out because, holy fuck, I'm doing the SAME FUCKING THING!!
Hello, TWIN FLAME MIRROR!!
Just more confirmation of our mirrored blueprint.... so often how he's feeling is how I'm feeling. I've even had someone very close to our journey be constantly affirming the direct mirroring in us.
And, admittedly, I feel utterly devastated and defeated, too. Like I said, like I don't have any other choice... yet I DO. I just want to fucking control it by not choosing the path I feel I'm being forced to choose.
I DO certainly understand for myself why I am so upset about how my love has just been seemingly TAKEN away right along with my dreams to travel to India, Bangkok and beyond.
It's all appearing to be completely shattered and stripped away...most certainly NOT ALLOWED to have THAT dream. Same with moving into my neighbor's (it just hasn't been the right time to buy a new place). It's been so fucking challenging to not stop believing in dreams altogether.
And THAT'S exactly where my Divine Masculine is.
The images I have of him mostly show defeat, reluctant compliance and faked joy.
And I'm not the only one to say that. More than a handful I know have said the same thing.
I get it though. This was the very thing that was such a weight on him, knowing it wasn't what was aligned with him yet that he had to inevitably to what he was told if he was unable to break away to freedom. I know for certain that I was his safety for that yet due to the worldly state of late (last damn near two fucking years), I have YET to be ALLOWED to enter the country of India OR Thailand, which is where he and I planned to meet LAST year April 17th.
I STILL have a deposit with our hostess there. Yet I'll never inject something foreign into my body after receiving depo birth control for my prostitution days. I'm genuinely grateful to have regular periods nowadays. The last time I had a needle in my body (shudder... I had to do visualizations every time I got my depo) was AT LEAST 10 years ago. I'm not sure when EXACTLY I stopped the depo but I do know I had dilaudud injected for my first ever kidney stone. I thought I was going to die by literal gut explosion. The pain was beyond excruciating.
That said, I'm not going anywhere. Not to India either because instead of lifting our visitor visa ban, they are requiring a NEW application and you get only a 30 DAY visa.
To say I was devastated at THAT is an understatement. I started physically feeling SUFFOCATED within a couple hours and it lasted a few days persistently. It is now occasionally however with this news of Arvi diving into this MONTHS earlier than he originally planned to push it off for, I'm definitely feeling an increase of it along with so much more physical, mental, emotional and spiritual triggers and reactions to the current circumstances.
I'm doing my best to just let it be expressed and to watch what it's showing me.
It's so convoluted... or so it seems... this whole twin flame journey. Especially mine. I have to admit that aside from my coaching and readings, I have no idea wtf is going on as the other facets seem to be crumbling if not just only unstable ground.
And just three short weeks ago, I was on top of the world manifesting my most amazing feeling dream yet since Goa and especially since this whole global hostage situation got underway yet instead it was AGAIN ripped from my hands.
I know my love feels the same way about even having his freedom... because even if he didn't choose to stay with me, I still wanted to give him a fighting chance to break free. I never knew we'd actually end up HERE.... him acquiescing his freedom for compliance.
Gee, sounds a hell of a lot like the very thing currently under way in this world.
I mean, right now, I'm like WOW.
My mind is SO BLOWN right now at this realization.
I'm sitting here looking at the mirroring in me to see what I can see....
In what ways am I acquiescing MY freedom for compliance?
Meaning, in what ways am I shrinking and dimming MY light??
How am I SETTLING in my life?
Which kind of paths am I choosing for myself, hard or easy??
Am I creating suffering and struggle for myself?
AND, to circle back to where I originally left off with this blog when I thought the only REAL karmic standing in our way was THIS one. No wonder he got so distant and ignored my questions which led me to get all fucking cocky and block him. Needless to say, I'm certainly working through guilt, and shame and such about that and more.
That said, RELEASING ATTACHMENT.
His now what I call ghost karmic is long gone, no communication between them in more than 14 months whereas he and I ARE still technically connected in this physical realm. I had been led to unblock him BEFORE learning about his ceremonial marriage... his NOW physical and real karmic. Just the look on his face, his body language and darkened aura said it all. It's definitely a karmic path he has chosen even though it is masked as the "easy" path at this juncture.
I've certainly done it. In fact, I'll be seeing more clearly very soon where I'm doing it, as well.
Just because he's chosen to play his role as he was programmed to, where am I potentially considering doing the same??
I do know for certain in this moment that one of the biggest regrets I have is not keeping a detailed and consistent blog journal of our journey from the very beginning.
That's been one of my own greatest tragedies achieved through self-sabotage.
At this point, all I can do is answer the questions above for myself.
My power certainly is NOT in interfering in what HE'S choosing for HIS lessons... no matter how much it hurts or how bad I want to reach out to him to get him to stop and give me just four more months!! I just feel SO DEFEATED! Just like HE does.
This too shall pass though. And on the way, we just focus on what we CAN control and let go of what we cannot.
I will say that I personally feel as though that includes sharing of our story as I have been from the beginning as one of the things I CAN control because it IS my twin flame mission, my soul purpose to share my journey of reclaiming my power so you can see that YES it CAN be done.
December 12, 2021
As I was finalizing this blog almost exactly a month after this update above, it was because this morning I woke up to see he had blocked me as he's feeling the walls fast closing in around him so he must now close himself off in all other ways he can to submerge himself in this excruciatingly intense time of karmic payback for both his karmic debts and the generational curse of forced marriage that continues to be shoved down the throats of those whom are here to resist it.
This also comes immediately following the Super Signs Sunday message I recorded just yesterday afternoon that was ALL ABOUT it being time to TRULY LET GO of the masculine so he CAN do this necessary healing. It is certainly NOT a coincidence that he blocked me even though we've spoken not a word in more than six weeks.
I will always love him. He will always be my twin flame and nothing can or will ever change that.
In fact, I know this to be more and more true the further along we go as the signs and synchronicities sprinkle my path like runway lights affirming this is exactly where both I and he are supposed to be.